The First 10 Things I Would Do as the Next President

Reggie Fullwood
Reggie Fullwood
Reggie Fullwood

by Reggie Fullwood

Since we all have been dealing with so many serious issues, I wanted to lighten things up a bit. While I am extremely proud that Barack Obama was the first African American President of the U.S., I often wonder what would happen if a black man from “the hood” became the President?

This vision is sort of inspired by a new TV show starting this fall where a rapper runs for Mayor as a gimmick and actually wins. So now what?

OK, lets get straight to the nitty gritty. First things first – since black folk never got our 40 acres and a mule, I would like to address this issue as president. There is no way that my people will ever call me a sell out or Uncle Tom.

I propose, well I’d better make this an executive order since there’s no way it makes it through this Republican Congress, but I propose that each black household received 40 acres of land and a Prius with some low profile rims.

I figure that since states like Montana, the Dakotas, Idaho, Alaska, etc. have a bunch of useless land why not give it to black folks. Hell, I always wanted to brag about having property in another state or a vacation home up north.

Since Beyonce always wanted to sing the national anthem at the inauguration I have a better idea. She can come the White House at least once a week and sing to me during breakfast or maybe between one of the couple dozen briefings I will have a day – just leave Jay Z and the kids at home.

Now she may eventually get beat down by my wife, but that shouldn’t discourage her. I would still appreciate her service to this great country.

I will also create a list of people that I will invite to the White House just so that I can pimp slap them. That little short guy from North Korea would be at the top of the list right next to Rush Limbaugh, former President Donald Trump, and Flavor Flav. So why am I hating on Flav? He’s just annoying as hell.

Next, by the way, what number am I on? Let’s just say that I am on number four. OK, the fourth action I would take is to invite the entire G8 Summit crew over to the White House and serve some good old Soul Food or BBQ.

The G8 is an unofficial forum, which brings together the heads of the richest industrialized countries: France, Germany, Italy, Japan, the United Kingdom, the United States, Canada, Russia, etc. Always one to keep it real – I will also invite my cousin, Pookie, Mike Mike and Tata Man. Nothing like mixing your uppity friends with your hood family members.

Yeah, I know that we are talking about the high-powered French, Italians, Japanese, etc., but they need to know that it’s a new day in the White House. The ox tails, collard green, yams, mac n’ cheese, corn bread and smothered pork chops will be in the house.

And why not invite Chris Rock to dinner that would really spice things up a bit. Nothing like having a brother there who uses the F word in every sentence.

I would have to hire my grandmother as the Secretary of White House Food Services. I wouldn’t dare bring her out of retirement to cook, but she’s pretty good and telling folk what to do.

I would officially allow my ghetto, Facebook Queen cousin Rhonda to move in. She can cook crabs and fry fish like no other, and if I have problems with any visiting world leaders, she will quickly get some straightening. Who needs the secret service when your cuz will get all up in Kim Jong-il’s face? And then like Donald Trump, she will be tweeting about it.

Now what were you saying about those nuclear weapons in North Korea sir?

Of course, I would have to pass out some Presidential pardons. First one goes to me of course! What? According to Trump – a president can pardon himself.

Time to focus on my cabinet – my crew. Just in case Michelle Obama doesn’t accept my Secretary of State offer, I think that Russell Simmons would be a pretty cool head of state. Imagine him meeting with foreign dignitaries with his Phat Farm jeans and Yankees cap on with some Run DMC playing in the background.

My head of foreign affairs would have to be P Diddy! No one travels like that dude. And I will have some Conservatives in my cabinet. How about my nominee for Secretary of Homeland Security – Chuck Norris. Yes, Walker Texas Ranger himself.

I would get rid of the annual White House Easter egg hunt. Yeah, that’s cute and all, but I would replace it with the annual White House Crab Boil. Cousin Rhonda got that covered, and she can use her food voucher to buy the crabs.

My sister would have to make gallons of her special crab dipping sauce, and please no special request for chicken wings, neck bones or turkey necks in the crab boil please.

Now let’s get to some more substantial policy issues. Instead of the GOP focusing on repealing the Affordable Health Care Act, I would create a bipartisan group that is focused on improving the plan so that we can help more Americans get coverage.

I would work on real immigration reform and a clear path to citizenship for Dreamers. Education would be the foundation of my administration. We have to figure out a way to make college more affordable and help the thousands of Americans struggling with student loan debt.

The biggest challenge would be creating equality and New Age strategies in early childhood education and in our public school system. While I love some charter schools and believe that vouchers do make sense in some cases – especially special needs education, we have to refocus and reinvest in our traditional public schools and teachers.

I never do well with these types of columns – how many items was that? Oh well, you get the point.

Signing off from the Beige House, oh yeah, that’s the other major change.

Reggie Fullwood

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